Freak show
by emicha
Summary: Prompt: "That is the stupidest idea you have ever come up with. I like it." - rivamikajam on tumblr


She'd been a child, when she'd first heard about it. Until after the victory it had been an ever sleeping memory of a warm summer night, the taste of the forbidden on her tongue. It had been way past bedtime when she'd overheard her parents talking. _Disgusting, _their words'd been, how _inhuman to pay money to see deformed limbs. How wicked to hold those poor, punished people like livestock. Those monsters should be ashamed._

She'd never known what to do with this talk. Had never known what those words had meant. But yet she'd felt sorry that night, sad, even without knowing for whom or why.

_Those poor people,_ her parents had said, _those poor, poor creatures..._

It was a cold evening, years had passed since that one night and Mikasa felt sorry for herself.

* * *

Out of the corner of her eye, Mikasa saw the group of people in chic robes staring in her direction. _You're paranoid._, Levi'd told her once, but when a few seconds passed and she still felt the people's gazes on her, she knew she wasn't.

With a swift motion Mikasa hid her hand under the velvet skirts of her dress that embraced her like a cold stranger. She could tell that the group of people became bored of her within a few second because they went away after a moment, tried to find another crippled veteran they could gawk at. But in the end it wouldn't take long until another group would find her. Mikasa bit her lip. Those people were scum, the blood stain on freshly fallen snow.

They were posh monsters with soft hands, hands that never had shed a tear of their own blood for humanity's sake. She could see ugly people in fine robes who celebrated the end of a war they had never fought in, haven't lost anything to. They were people who spat on the graves of those who had paid the price of victory not with money but with their own lives. Those people, the elite, were a plague and they tried to infect her, tried to make her sick. _They_ were the next human scourge.

The music was way too loud and hurt in Mikasa's ears, but yet the sound wasn't loud enough to cover the disgusting chatter of the rich and famous. She didn't have to listen closely to hear their words, the hurtful comments which always echoed through the fine marble hall. Words she endured not for the first time.

"Why did we come here?" Mikasa heard herself saying before she even noticed it and for the first time this evening Levi faced her, let go of the people he watched the whole time. "One doesn't reject a Queen's invitation, love."

Usually she would be angry about this obvious lie, would start to argue, but the years had made her tired and she knew he was too. So Mikasa sighed and shook her head. "An Ackerman can always reject a queen. Also, Historia would understand."

Levi rose an eyebrow at her before his gaze wandered across the gigantic hall of the royal palace anew. She knew what would come next, he made the face that promised scolding, the attempt to make her understand. It was that face that annoyed her, the one that made her feel like a stupid child ever since.

Mikasa waited for his next words, watched how he looked around and how his dull left eye stayed unfocused, how it looked at nobody in particular. If she hadn't been used to it, she would feel a bit uneasy. It was strange to look into an eye that would never see again, but the memory of how it was blinded was so much worse, something that kept her awake at night. A shiver ran down her spine and before she was lost in memories Levi finally spoke again.

"Just look at all this rich bastards, Mikasa, this human trash. Never lose sight of the enemy, stay close to them." She didn't have to follow Levi's gaze because she knew he wasn't addressing someone in particular. He spoke about those who crowded the halls, the ones who bought their places in society with wealth, not with strength.

She snorted and grabbed the drink in front of her with her good hand. "Then hope you won't lose more sight, _dear_. If that happens you'll be completely blind and this would be quite bothering to me."

"Yes, that would be a shame, wouldn't it?", Levi sounded amused even though the celebrations made him as sick as they made her. They fell back into the usual silence, the less they spoke at those kinds of events the less people would talk about them. They never blended in with the rich, not even with the few other veterans. They sat for themselves, only the two of them alone at the corner of the hall and this was how life was for way too long.

"Let's go away from here."

Her words were sudden and as soon as Mikasa'd spoken them, Levi knew she didn't mean their home, not this time. Levi tensed in his chair that was supposed to be comfortable but in truth felt like a nail board. It was not that they'd never thought about going away, about leaving the place inside the walls. But whenever they tried to figure out a place to head to, they found excuses to stay.

_Historia wants us to help her rule._

_This is only an interim solution._

_If we have to go to the elite's celebrations, let's do it. The more rich scum comes to gawk at us, the more money will float into the reconstruction of the cities. _

There was always something that kept them from leaving when there was nothing left to hold on.

Levi didn't look at her, stared into the celebrating crowd. He didn't know how to feel about her demand but he couldn't just ignore it. "And where shall this _away from here_ be?"

"East.", Mikasa said and her fast and firm answer surprised him. Levi frowned. "East? _Why_?"

A few seconds passed, she seemed to evaluate her answer and it felt like an eternity. "Our ancestors came all the way to live inside this walls, now these walls are no more. Why not go back? Maybe there are still folks like us. Maybe there's a place we can belong..."

"That's insane." Levi's attention was her's now, the good eye was looking at her steadily growing belly while the other simply stared through her. "You want to go to the fucking end of the world without knowing what's waiting there? Now? Like this?"

His words were harsh and the woman narrowed her eyes angrily. "I know what's waiting for us if we don't get out of this… _this freakshow_ any time soon."

"Don't be naive. That's the stupidest shit you've ever came up with and you know it, Mikasa."

She snorted and after that the anger seemed to fade into something else. _Distress._

Mikasa bit her lip and pointed at the crowd with her chin. "It will drive me insane if we stay." Her actually pale face was flushed now, Levi could see the pain and despair he understood so well. "We already gave so much for their sake. And one day there'll be nothing left they can take away from us." Her voice cracked and it almost broke his already damaged heart. "This human sickness will consume us if we don't leave. We mustn't let this happen, this isn't only about you and me anymore." He'd never noticed, maybe had even tried to ignore it, but she was at the end of her rope.

"Calm down.", Levi said in the way he would only speak with her. Mikasa clenched her teeth, tried to hold back the damn tears that burned in her eyes, she wouldn't show this monsters any weakness. She calmed her racing heart and set up straighter, ignoring the pain of her ever aching back. It was the hardest thing she did in a while. And yet she held her head high while looked at Levi. "Please. For the three of us..."

As always her show was on point, could fool everybody but not him. To see how she tried to set her broken pieces together so forcefully over and over again was nothing he could watch any longer. He knew that if he wouldn't act now, she would run through his fingers like cold ash. He couldn't let _that_ happen.

Levi groped for the hand she hid and took it softly into his own. It surely felt strange to hold a hand that missed some of it's fingers but he knew there were many more imperfections on both of them. That was what they were. War had desecrated their bodies and minds. They weren't complete. But they were strong and alive.

He gave his wife something that was as close to a smile as possible. "East, yeah? It's insane, but I like it..."


End file.
